


Zero Hour

by SkyChasingDreamer



Category: Gintama
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Civil War, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Kissing, M/M, Major Character Injury, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Smut, Violence, War, War Era
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-28
Updated: 2014-05-28
Packaged: 2018-01-26 21:16:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1702802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyChasingDreamer/pseuds/SkyChasingDreamer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gintoki and Hijikata meet as soldiers and while they start out as bunkmates, it comes as not surprise to either of them when their relationship transpires into something more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Zero Hour

**158 Days**

Hijikata stares at the dark lump on the opposite side of the room and his stomach hurts. The body is unmoving, his breathing uneven, and his wounds are dressed. They're minor wounds, mostly little cuts and scratches, but a few of them are deep enough to need attention, hence the dressing. He hasn't moved in awhile, not since he'd curled up into a ball, and Hijikata has had to resist the urge to go over to him several times.

The man in the bed goes by the name Sakata Gintoki and, well, perhaps he's more a boy than a man. He's almost nineteen and has been in this shitstorm of a situation since he was seventeen. No one is allowed to enlist until they're eighteen, but Gintoki had been drafted by mistake and since he'd looked a little older than he was at the time, no one had questioned it and he hadn't corrected them. That means that most of the information on his tags is false, but during a late night a couple months after they'd met, Gintoki had told him the truth.

There had already been such a strong connection of trust between them at that point and it hasn't changed. Really, it has only gotten stronger and of everything, it's what keeps Hijikata going. So, he doesn't mind staying up and waiting, especially because of all the countless hours Gintoki has done the same for him. Hijikata won't deny that he found a best friend in Gintoki and in a lot of ways, he's more than that, but he doesn't know how to define it or them. They don't need a definition, he doesn't think, they just _are_. They find comfort in each other and keep one another protected as best they can. Hijikata can even pinpoint the exact moment Gintoki became something more to him than just a friend, it's a day he won't ever forget.

-o-O-o-

“Goddamn, I'm glad we've finally stopped to make camp,” Gintoki said as he sat down next to Hijikata.

“I think I have another blister.”

“What's one more to the collection, hah?” Gintoki tossed a chunk of bread into Hijikata's lap. “Here! Snagged you this, ate mine on the way.”

Hijikata was quick to pick it up and ripped off a piece with his fingers. “How the hell did you manage that?”

He shoved it into his mouth and closed his eyes for a long minute at the taste as he chewed. Food supplies had been running low for over three weeks, so portions were cut in half and anything more than two half-meals a day was a blessing.

“Right time, right place,” Gintoki replied, he'd said that a lot the past weeks, and Hijikata tore into the bread with his teeth because using his fingers was too much work.

They were sitting in a somewhat congested area, but it was easy to ignore the noise and stay out of everyone's way since they were off to the side. They hadn't pitched their tent yet, but they'd do that soon enough once things settled down some more. The last bite of the bread was the best and also the one he chewed the slowest to make it last and savor it. The bread itself was hard and tough to chew, but even that was satisfying and placated Hijikata's snarling stomach a little.

“I dunno about you,” Gintoki said, his voice kind of a slur, “but I'm gonna sleep well tonight.”

“I will if those damn horses will keep quiet for once.”

“They can't help they nng... spook easy.”

Hijikata looked over and narrowed his eyes. “What's wrong with you? Your eyes are all... glassy.”

“Jus' tired.”

No sooner had he said the words, he was slumping over with his head landing heavily on Hijikata's shoulder. At first he thought Gintoki might have been joking or something, but when Hijikata rolled his shoulder and told him to get off, he didn't expect Gintoki to slide the other way and hit the ground with a sickening thud. It was such an empty sound, a sound Hijikata had only ever connected to one thing: dead weight. A couple men had stopped and Hijikata felt like the bread was going to come right back up as partially digested hunks of yeast.

“Oi!” Hijikata scrambled over Gintoki's body and gave his cheek a pap. “Wake up!”

“I'm getting a medic,” he heard someone say, but he wasn't taking his eyes off Gintoki.

“I said wake up, asshole!” He kept trying to wake him and only stopped to check to see if Gintoki was breathing. It was hard to tell because of how Hijikata's own heart was thundering and making his breaths come out faster. “F-fuck – natural perm! I'm gonna fuckin' punch you if y-you don't wake the fuck up!”

Gintoki was unresponsive and Hijikata was just about ready to give that punching thing a try when someone pulled him away. Two men walked up with a gurney and Hijikata stopped struggling in the hold of whoever had him – gurneys were used for the dead or dying and it paralyzed him.

“What's wrong with him? W-why isn't he wakin' up?” They moved him onto a gurney and Hijikata could feel panic trying to take hold. “N-no – where are you takin' him?” They didn't answer him, they just did their job and took Gintoki away. His hand hung off the edge of the gurney and Hijikata tried to get up, wanted to put Gintoki's hand all the way on to make him comfortable, but the hands on his shoulders didn't budge. He looked up at the older man and asked, “Where a-are they takin' him?”

“Calm down, kid, think for a second.” His voice was rough and the crinkles around his eyes were weather-worn. “They're just getting him some medical attention, you know where to go for that.”

Hijikata swallowed and nodded, yeah, he knew were to go for that. The guy let him go and he gathered up his and Gintoki's stuff to take with him. He wished they'd put up their tent already so he wouldn't have lug everything around, but he'd just have to deal with it. He hadn't taken off anything of his uniform yet, except his hat which he quickly put back on, and once he had everything, including parts of Gintoki's uniform, he set off.

It was easy to find the medical center, it was the largest tent and when he asked for Gintoki, he was told to wait. So, he found himself a spot nearby to sit and waited. And waited. He was panicking on the inside and went up more than once to ask for Gintoki, but was told the same thing each time. He didn't know how long he waited, but he was grinding his teeth and his leg was jittering against the ground, going up and down and up and down. He was losing his mind with all the waiting, Gintoki was somewhere in that big ass tent and there was nothing Hijikata could do outside of it.

Getting up, he went to the table outside the entrance flaps for the fifth time. “Can I see him yet?”

This time, the nurse sighed and gave him the same sympathetic look she'd been giving him every time he came up. “Hold on, wait right here.”

Hijikata wanted to snap at her for telling him to wait again, but held his tongue and took a couple steps closer to the flaps. He tilted his head, trying to see inside or maybe catch a glimpse of white hair, but he couldn't see anything, it was too dense to see through. He did see movement coming and took half a step back just before a the nurse stuck her head out.

“You can come –” Hijikata rushed inside through the other flap, almost getting one of the bags stuck, and she finished as she trailed after him, “in if you want.”

Hijikata took off his hat and held it to his stomach as he faced her. “Sorry, ma'am, m'just – I... is he okay?”

She put a hand on his arm and gave it a squeeze, saying, “Come with me.”

He followed her through the tent and kept his eyes on her back. He didn't want to see the other wounded or sick and he was so relieved when she pulled back a thin divider, let him through, and closed it behind them. Hijikata went right to Gintoki's side, but didn't touch him, just stood at the bedside.

“He's just resting right now. You're friends?”

He glanced up at her. “Y-yeah, he's been my bunkmate for a few months now.”

“I see, well, have you noticed anything strange about him lately?”

Hijikata stood up straighter and his eyes kept flicking back down to Gintoki. “Ah... he's been tired? He said he was tired before he...” he motioned his hat to Gintoki, “but we're all tired a lot, so I hadn't thought much of it.”

“Let me show you something.” She pulled down the covers to Gintoki's waist, then gently folded his shirt back and Hijikata sucked in a breath. Gintoki's stomach was sunken in, his bones, especially his hip bones, were stark against his skin and Hijikata could easily count each rib. Seeing him like that, he looked sallow and small... fragile. “Malnutrition. I'd say he hasn't eaten a proper meal in weeks.”

Hijikata could barely breathe and he was clutching his hat so tightly to him that his fingers turned white. “W-we only get two half portions a day....”

“Yes, but even that wouldn't lead to this.”

Thinking about it, he couldn't remember seeing Gintoki actually eat most of his meals. He'd... been saving them, that had to be it. He'd get his and save it, then give some to Hijikata each day and say he was in the right place at the right time. Gintoki had been covering it up for weeks, but he'd always made sure Hijikata had had something to eat. Anger shot through Hijikata and his fingers clenched around his hat and into a fist at his side. This fucking stupid asshole, how dare he?

“I... s-see.”

“This will need to be addressed, you understand?”

“Yes, ma'am.”

“I assume you're going to want to stay?”

“If that's a-alright.”

“Of course, I think it's nice. There's a chair over there, stay as long as you'd like. But if he wakes up, please come get me.”

“I will, thank you. H-how long do you think that might be?”

“It's impossible to say, I'm sorry. One hour, a few, who can tell?”

“Ah, right.”

She left and Hijikata finally got to set all the stuff he was carrying down. He paused when he saw the chair, Gintoki's jacket and boots were on it. Grabbing the boots, Hijikata placed them carefully with their stuff and pulled the chair close as he could to Gintoki's bedside. But when he sat down, he knew he wouldn't be able to stay sitting for long. With trembling hands, Hijikata got back up and pulled the blankets back so he could push Gintoki's shirt aside so he could take another look. He wished he hadn't the moment he did it, but he knew it was something he needed to see again.

Gintoki obviously hadn't been getting enough to eat and Hijikata hated himself for not noticing. It made him so angry, what the hell was Gintoki thinking? Hijikata almost touched him, almost traced the line of a protruding rib, but refrained. He couldn't bring himself to do it and maybe that made him something of coward by pulling the shirt down and covering him back up, but he just... he couldn't do it. He didn't sit back down right away though, instead he looked at Gintoki's face and got angry all over again.

His cheekbones stuck out more than they should have and Hijikata cursed himself for not noticing. It was right in front of him the whole time! Literally _right in front of him_ , but he hadn't fucking noticed! Gintoki was too good at hiding that shit and Hijikata could imagine the great lengths the bastard had to have gone to just to appear like nothing was amiss. Like fatigue wasn't getting to him, like he didn't get lightheaded ever, like there was nothing that could stop him, least of all a rumbling stomach. 

“Stupid,” Hijikata whispered and poked at the little furrow between Gintoki's eyebrows.

He didn't usually have those furrows, that was more Hijikata's thing, so seeing them when Gintoki was asleep, when he couldn't consciously hide how he was feeling, Hijikata knew he was uncomfortable. Hijikata prepared to sit back down, but when he spotted Gintoki's jacket, he picked it up and held it. Their uniforms were light brown in color, making them best for camouflage, and Gintoki's jacket had seen better days. It was torn in a few places, faded in others, and the cuff of the right sleeve was beginning to fray.

Not thinking about it, Hijikata brought it up to cover his nose and mouth and took a deep breath. He felt himself flush, but the scent of Gintoki, something he'd become familiar with after spending so much time with him over the period of months, it calmed him down. It slowed his heart, strengthened his resolve, and he felt better, more levelheaded. He took several more breaths, then used it to cover Gintoki with an extra layer before sitting his ass back down to wait it out.

It was close to two hours before Gintoki groaned and opened his hazy eyes and Hijikata had already stood to step closer. The relief he felt was so profound it left him breathless a second time... or was it the third time this afternoon? While Gintoki was coming to, it hit Hijikata that he needed to tell a nurse, so left, stumbling, only a moment to stick his head out of the partition to tell someone. It was a different nurse he told, but she said someone would be there soon and Hijikata was already going back to Gintoki's side. He was more awake when Hijikata got there and it was the strangest reflex to pull Gintoki's jacket up a little higher on him like that would help anything.

“Mmg... Hijikata? What happened?”

“You're a stupid fuck, that's what happened! What the hell were you thinkin'? How long did you think you'd last without food, hah?”

“Slow,” Gintoki said, dragging the word out and the furrows in his brow, Hijikata noted, were gone, “down.”

“I'm gonna p-punch y –”

The partition was pushed aside and the same nurse from before walked in. “Hello! How are you feeling?”

“Fine.”

Hijikata glared so hard he expected the fabric on the bed to catch fire. “And hungry? By fine, d-do you mean hungry?”

Gintoki stared at him and he was so exhausted and drained that he couldn't even raise his head off the pillow. Hijikata continued to glare and the anger was so strong, he could have punched him right then and there with the nurse watching. But Gintoki sighed and there was this relaxing of his shoulders that was something akin to resignation.

“Maybe... a little hungry,” Gintoki replied and tried for a halfhearted smile.

“I can imagine, gave your friend here quite the scare.” Hijikata looked away, but he couldn't stop the telling flush that spread up his neck into his cheeks. “Now! I've already looked you over and other than the obvious problem, you're fine. There's some food here next to your bed,” she pulled a bowl out from underneath and set it nearby, “and with it is three vouchers for extra rations at meal time. You will use them and you will eat, understand? Promise me.”

Gintoki smirked, but nodded. “I promise.”

“Good and don't forget to drink plenty of water. You can stay here overnight if you'd like, but... and I don't mean to be rude or rush you, but the sooner you move out, the better. This is terrible of me to say, but we could really use the bed.”

“It's not a problem, ma'am, I won't stay much longer.”

“Thank you, just make sure you check out before you leave.”

She left them alone and Hijikata was still standing, a hand was on the bed, but he wasn't touching Gintoki.

“Pick something,” Hijikata ordered and when Gintoki chose an apple, he let out a huff. Gintoki took a bite with a  _ crunch  _ and chewed with care.  “From now on, we share everything. Got it?”

Gintoki stared, then slowly used both hands to break his apple in half and he tossed the part without the bite to Hijikata. “Got it.”

-o-O-o-

Hijikata sighs remembering, he knows that's the moment Gintoki became something more to him than just a friend or just a bunkmate. That was months ago, but it's still astounding Gintoki had done so much just so Hijikata could have more to eat... and it still pisses him off. Gintoki has begun to twitch a little and Hijikata wants so much to go to him, but he can't yet. He's waiting, he's hoping Gintoki will wake up soon, these nights are never easy.

It takes a half hour before Hijikata hears the telling intake of panicked breath signifying Gintoki startling awake. It's terrible, waking up. It's a relief to be out of the nightmare, but it's just another terror to realize you've brought the nightmare into the real world with you. He waits for Gintoki to breathe a little, maybe get his bearings, and he doesn't take his eyes off him, not for a second.

“Okay?”

There was a long pause before Gintoki answers tremulously, “No.”

“Okay... o-okay, I'm coming over.”

Hijikata gets up and goes to him, feeling out his way in the dark. He knows the importance of presence in these moments, Gintoki taught him that in previous experiences of theirs. He does turn the lantern up a little and when he reaches the bed, he's careful lifting the edge of the covers so he can slip underneath. Gintoki's in a ball and now that Hijikata's on the bed, he can feel the way he's trembling. There's a sweat glistening on his brow and his hair is damp and sticking to it, it must have really been a bad one this time. He doesn't touch Gintoki yet – his fingers twitch to do so – but he's there and he's close, that's always a good start. Gintoki isn't looking at him, he has his eyes closed and he's curled so tight in a ball it doesn't even seem like a person his size can comfortably be in that position.

“Hey,” he keeps his voice soft, “hey, could ya look at me?” Gintoki's slow to react and he's panting in such shallow, quick successions. He takes a few more breaths, then swallows and red eyes slowly peek open. Once Hijikata knows Gintoki can see him, he reaches over and gently pushes his bangs back out of his face. “What was it about?”

“A – a bunch of stuff and... I don't feel good. My chest,” he shakes and tries to say more, but nothing comes out.

“Shh,” Hijikata hushes and puts a hand on where Gintoki's hands are clasped in front of him, “will you let me see?” It takes some coaxing and urging, but Hijikata gets Gintoki to relax just enough to get him to comply. He's able to open Gintoki's pajama top and reveal the jagged scar in his side. He has a lot of scars, but this one is by far the biggest and has a gruesome story behind it, on he knows has haunted Gintoki since he got it. Gintoki trembles a little more once Hijikata's looking at it and tries to curl back in on himself, but Hijikata stops him. He brushes his hand back through Gintoki's hair and doesn't care about the sweat, he just gets his thumb to press and brush against Gintoki's forehead. “I-it's okay,” he soothes, pressing the palm of his other hand to the scar, “you're okay, see?”

Touch always helps and it's true for this time as well because after Gintoki's breath hitches, his breathing seems to come easier. It's not uncommon for people to get phantom pains in old wounds and feel like they've been reopened and dreams – nightmares – are an unfortunate trigger because often times, the person relives the experience. He and Gintoki have learned through trial and error how to handle each other when either of them is struggling and going slow is something that works with both of them. Gintoki's particularly susceptible to touching and of the two of them, Hijikata is the more combative one until he comes back into himself. It's scary, but Gintoki is always there for him without fail, which makes all the difference.

They stay like that for a long time, long enough for Gintoki's sweat to start to dry. He keeps twitching every now and then and it feels like he's going to attack at any second to push Hijikata away, make him stop touching, but with just a few hushing words, he stays put. This is a precarious line, Gintoki's in the room, but he's not _in the room_ at the same time. He's caught between two realities, one present and one past, but both equally real. 

“Better?”

It takes a bit, but Gintoki's able to breathe deep and nod jerkily. “Better, yeah.”

Hijikata doesn't move and keeps swishing his thumb over Gintoki's forehead. “You did good this time.”

“Anything is an improvement, I think.”

“You want your Jump?”

“Mm... yeah.”

Hijikata turns the lantern on just a little higher so Gintoki's eyes won't have to strain and reaches under the bed to pull out Gintoki's bag. It doesn't take much rummaging to find and pull out the old, crinkled Jump Gintoki has been carrying around with him since before they met. Hijikata doesn't know how long Gintoki has actually had it, but it's old enough and has gotten enough use that the pages are faded and some of them torn. The biggest thing Hijikata doesn't know – and doesn't want to know – is how many times Gintoki has read it, how many times he has pulled it out and had to use it to take him to a different time, a different place, because reality was so suffocating and dismal. Sometimes Gintoki doesn't even read it, sometimes he just likes to touch it and have it near him.

Hijikata touches Gintoki's scar again and hate it that Gintoki flinches, but he knows it's not his fault. They settle down and Gintoki stays on his side, but gets himself propped up on an arm to look at and touch the Jump. He probably knows the whole thing by heart and that makes a sadness well up in Hijikata's chest for some reason, but he pushes it aside and stays put. He's laying down with his head on the pillow, the Jump between them, and he watches Gintoki as he reads, but can't get much out of the other's expression. He kind of goes on autopilot after one of these episodes and Hijikata understands that, but that doesn't mean he likes it.

“Does it still hurt?”

“Yeah.”

Hijikata traces his fingers over the raised and jagged skin and it just makes him frown. He doesn't mind the feeling of it at all and he doesn't find it ugly, he just wants the pain to go away for him. He has lost count of how many times this scar has given Gintoki problems, but it probably isn't worth keeping track of. These types of things happening more than once is too many times.

“Is the Jump not helping?”

“It is... kinda. I don't know.” He pauses and Hijikata watches the skin where his fingers are touching. “You're helping more.”

Hijikata's eyes snap up at that and his fingers freeze. “A-ah, that's good.” There's a lull and neither of them move, Hijikata's chest feels tight. “S-so... talk to me?”

“What about?” Gintoki closes the Jump and is so careful slipping it underneath his pillow. “It's hard to think.”

“W-well, you're always going on about the farm you came from.”

Gintoki snorts and closes his eyes after putting his head on the pillow they're now sharing. “Think maybe you've heard enough about it yet?”

“Not if it'll help.”

“I dunno if it will right now or not.”

Hijikata's heart jumps at the way Gintoki is looking at him and without even thinking, he closes his eyes and slides his head forward until his forehead bumps into Gintoki's. There's a soft grunt, but only a second later Gintoki is giving him a little nudge right back. Hijikata wants him, he doesn't care in what way, he just wants Gintoki and the bastard has to know that. He keeps his hand against the scar and he's willing to do anything to get Gintoki back in the room with him, to stop the past from encroaching in on their quiet time together. They march out again tomorrow, this might be the only private time they get for weeks.

“You know,” Gintoki starts quietly, “a lot of the guys around here talk about the war ending and finding a nice girl to settle down with.”

_Don't do this._

“And y-you?”

“Never appealed to me.”

_Not now._

“Wonder why.”

“It's hard to say.”

_There's no time._

“What about now?”

“Oh, there's plenty of appeal. Just hard to picture some voluptuous nice girl over your scrawny ass.”

Hijikata lets out a slow breath, this is the first time they've ever broached this topic or come anywhere near discussing the future... that's a very sore subject for people in their situation. It's good to have hope,  _ important _ to have hope, but too much hope can be just as damning as none at all. He's tense and anxious, he wants this, he wants this person so goddamn much. The inevitable is right there, he can feel it between them, has felt it for a long time now, and it's just pressing in harder and harder, it's crushing. 

_ It's too late. _

“Like fuck will I be your house maid.”

“Good... I don't want a house maid.”

And it's Gintoki that leans the rest of the way in to kiss him, but it comes as no surprise - this is what he has been waiting for.

**To Be Continued**

 


End file.
